Post by Ayen on Sept 9, 2008 15:19:32 GMT -5
All right I didn't know where to put this so I figure it goes here.
Warning: The following is retarded funny humor and is to be taken 0% seriously! Proceed with caution.
Cue Spencer Mansion!
*We see Tanner Redfield, Ayen Valentine, Jesse Burton and Ronnie Wesker enter the mansion*
Jesse Burton: “WTF? Well this looks familiar....”
Ronnie Wesker: “Wow what a mansion!”
Tanner Redfield: “We’re in the first Resident Evil game! Oh shit this is sweet I’m going to blow me up some zombies—! Wait I ain’t supposed to know about them yet.” *Looks around his pockets only to find a knife and an aid spray can* “What!? All I got is a knife!? Damn it! Yo Ayen give me your gun!”
Ayen Valentine: “No way man!”
Tanner Redfield: “Give me!”
Ayen Valentine: “No!”
Tanner Redfield: “Give me damn it that’s an order!”
Ayen Valentine: “You don’t out rank me!”
Jesse Burton: “What the hell Ayen, are you wearing women clothes?”
Ayen Valentine: “What!? No! This is just a modify male version of Jill’s original uniform!”
Jesse Burton: “Sure it is!”
Ronnie Wesker: “So are we doing Chris’s story or Jill’s story?”
Tanner Redfield: *trying to take Ayen gun from his hands before turning his head over to Ronnie* “Eh?”
Ronnie Wesker: “If we’re doing Chris’s story then Jesse shouldn’t be here. He should be missing. And if we’re doing Jill’s story then you shouldn’t be here you should be missing.”
Tanner Redfield: “In that case I vote Chris’s story.”
Ayen Valentine: “Chris’s story.”
Ronnie Fox: “Chris’s story.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you!” *disappears*
CAST!
Tanner Redfield! “Yeah this means I have a hot sister too!”
Jill Valentine! “I’m too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!”
Jesse Burton: “I hate Capcom. Damn sell outs. And I’m going to fuck your sister Tanner!”
Tanner: “Fuck you Jesse!”
Jesse: “No fuck me. Fuck your sister!”
Ryan Chambers! “YAY!”
Ronnie Wesker! “SCORE!”
RESIDENT EVIL!
*Gun shot*
Ayen Valentine: “What was that!?”
Tanner Redfield: “A gunshot ho.”
Ayen Valentine: “That’s not nice.”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh shut up ho.”
Ronnie Wesker: “Will you two focus! Tanner go and check! It’d make sense for us to stick together really. But I think it more fun if I have you go out alone while me and Ayen investigate this area.”
Tanner Redfield: “Aye, aye captain!” *enters dinning room*
Ronnie Wesker: *kicks Ayen in the stones*
Ayen Valentine: *Screams in pain and falls to knees* “How could you?! Why?!”
Ronnie Wesker: “Shut up! I have cool hair.”
Ayen Valentine: “What does that have to do with anything!?”
Ronnie Wesker: “Nothing. I just like holding it over you.” *picks up over shoulder and runs off*
*Dinning Room*
Tanner Redfield: “It’s a dinning room! .... Yeah.”
*enter the other room goes down the hall and sees a zombie eating Carlos J. Sullivan*
Tanner Redfield: “Oh I see you’re just killing a duecebag so don’t mind me.”
Zombie: *moans and offers Tanner a leg*
Tanner Redfield: “Ew gross I don’t want to eat his leg!”
Zombie: *moans louder and continue to offer his leg*
Tanner Redfield: “No way!”
Zombie: *growls in anger and drops the leg going to attack Tanner who knifes him to death*
Tanner Redfield: “Take my knife bitch!” *zombie grabs leg and starts chewing* “AHHH!” *hits his head right off* “OWNED!”
*Returns to Main Hall*
Tanner Redfield: “Ugh where did they go!?” *Finds Ayen’s gun and grabs it* “Oh sweet! Now I can blow shit up!”
*finds that room Ryan is in*
Ryan Chambers: *Sprays at Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: *holds onto his eyes and screams* “MY EYES!”
Ryan Chambers: “Oh! Oh no!”
Tanner Redfield: “You bitch!” *starts shooting*
Ryan Chambers: *dodges* “Whoa! Hey!”
Tanner Redfield: “I kill you!”
Ryan Chambers: “Dude I’m sorry man! Hey! I’m from the Bravo team!”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh. Cool. So you the only one left?”
Ryan Chambers: “Yeah.... It was strange, it was only my first mission and the chopper went down so quickly it was a pretty short flight—”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah whatever. I gotta go.”
Ryan Chambers: “Well how about letting me go with you?”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah sure whatever.”
*finding Holly Speyer*
Tanner Redfield: “LOL! You’re the one who gets killed by crows. Epic fail.”
Ryan Chambers: “I fail to see the humor in this.”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up.”
*Finds Sniper Aliken*
Ryan Chambers: “Oh no! Sniper!”
Tanner Redfield: “LOL! You’re the one who gets off by the snake! You don’t even get any lines in my story.”
Sniper Aliken: “STFU Tanner!” *goes back to being dead*
Tanner Redfield: “Looks like we have the snake to fight now.”
*Battle*
Yawn: *hiss*
Tanner/Ryan: *run and shoot*
Tanner Redfield: “Die you stupid snake! Who names a snake after yawning anyway!? Seriously!”
Yawn: *dies*
Tanner Redfield: “Yes! Oh shit I been poisoned!” *falls down*
Ryan Chambers: *sighs*
*Back in the room you find Ryan*
Ryan Chambers: “All done.”
Tanner Redfield: “I hate snakes.”
Ryan Chambers: “Good things we have these supplies from Umbrella.”
Tanner Redfield: “Umbrella?”
Ryan Chambers: “LOL! n00b you don’t know what Umbrella is!”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up!”
*gets to the green house and then to that plant thing*
Evil plant: *grabs Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: “Just don’t violate me with tentacles! Don’t violate me with tentacles! Ryan help!”
Ryan Chambers: *sighs*
*gets that thing that kills it and comes back into the room as the plant is dying*
Ryan Chambers: “That two times I saved your ass you know.”
Tanner Redfield: “If we weren’t following the storyline I wouldn’t need you.”
Ryan Chambers: “Sure.”
*finds that spider thing*
Tanner Redfield: *kills with flamethrower* “BURN BABY BURN!”
*enter the lab and finds a naked zombie*
Tanner Redfield: “AH! NAKED ZOMBIE NAKED ZOMBIE!” *kills quickly* “God why couldn’t it be a female naked zombie or something?”
*Finds Ayen*
Ayen Valentine: “Tanner!”
Jesse Burton: “Oh thank god if I had to spend another second alone with this person I would’ve killed myself!”
Tanner Redfield: “Damn can’t open it. Feel free to kill yourself Jesse I’ll be back for you two later.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you Tanner!”
*The traitor*
Ronnie Wesker: “Hello Tanner.”
Tanner Redfield: “OMGZ IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!”
Ronnie Wesker: “That’s right. I used S.T.A.R.S. as my little pawns to test Umbrella ultimate weapon!”
Tanner Redfield: “Since when did you work for Umbrella!?”
Ronnie Wesker: “I think you’re confused.” *shoots Ryan*
Ryan Chambers: “Ow!” *falls down*
Tanner Redfield: “Ryan!”
Ronnie Wesker: “Come Tanner. I have something to show you!”
*inside lab with tyrant*
Ronnie Wesker: “Isn’t it beautiful? I call it Raging Towers!”
Tanner Redfield: “Raging Towers? Oh shit!”
Ronnie Wesker: *activate Raging Towers*
Raging Towers: *break out of water tank and then kills Ronnie*
Ronnie Wesker: “Damn it!”
Raging Towers: *throws Ronnie to the wall then stares at Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: “BRING IT ON!”
*after a couple of minutes running, turning and shooting the tyrant falls*
Tanner Redfield: “Bitch.”
Ryan Chambers: “I feel sick.”
Tanner Redfield: “You’re alive, omgz!”
Ryan Chambers: “It’s just a fresh wound!”
Tanner Redfield: “We need to blow this shit out of the water!”
Ryan Chambers: “Yeah I’ll go activate the self destruct button thing.”
*Frees Ayen and Jesse*
Jesse Burton: “About time!”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up!”
*Self destruct thing activated*
Ayen Valentine: “IT’S GONNA BLOW!”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah let get out of here. But Jesse do feel free to stay put.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you Tanner!”
*they run near the exit as Ryan catches up to them as they then get at the place where the chopper can land and Tanner shoots up a thing to get it attention but then Raging Towers jump up from underground and impales Ryan*
Tanner Redfield: “Shit!”
Raging Towers: *Throw Ryan’s dead body to the ground*
Ayen Valentine: “NO! Why creator of the thread!? Why!?”
Creator: “I hate her.”
Ayen Valentine: “What she ever do to you!?”
Creator: “Exist.”
Ayen Valentine: “That’s not her fault it’s Capcom’s!”
Creator: “Well then, now it’s Capcom’s fault she’s dead.”
Ayen Valentine: “Damn you Capcom! Damn you to hell! You and your Resident Evil 5 new action like controls!”
Tanner Redfield: “Damn it Ayen pull yourself together!”
Ayen Valentine: “But she was hot!”
Tanner Redfield: “Dude gross it was played by a he. You’re a he!”
Ayen Valentine: “I’m obviously supposed to be the female in this story.”
Tanner Redfield: “So is he!”
Ayen Valentine: “Does that mean I’m a lesbian? SWEET! Now I can have lesbian sex!”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh damn it!” *shoots Ayen in the head*
Roy Campbell: “Tanner you can’t do that! You created a time paradox! You can’t go changing the future like that!”
Tanner Redfield: “What future!?”
Jesse Burton: “Resident Evil Nemesis, dumbass.”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh.”
*game over screen appears and Tanner just sighs and press retry*
Ayen Valentine: “Does that mean I’m a lesbian? SWEET! Now I can have lesbian sex!”
Tanner Redfield: *shoots him dead again*
Roy Campbell: “Damn it Tanner!”
Tanner Redfield: “All right! All right!” *press retry again*
*The three fights off Raging Towers as then the chopper piolet drops a rocket launcher and Tanner grabs it and blows Raging Towers Tyrant to pieces*
*they then escape into the chopper as the mansion blows up*
Ayen Valentine: *leans on Tanner’s shoulder*
Tanner Redfield: “Dude get off of me!” *shoves him off*
Jesse Burton: “Well um. We made it I guess.”
Tanner Redfield: “I’m going to be so uber in Resident Evil 5 once I master the Falcon Punch!”
Jesse Burton: “I hate you Tanner, I really do.”
(The end! Wait!)
Bonus Clip!
deadeas: “Where the hell am I?”
Red Queen: *appears out of thin air* “All right! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of people like you who don’t appreciate movies!”
deadeas: “Oh god not another crappy character from a crappy series of movies.”
Red Queen: “See that’s the kind of crap I’m talking about, shut up!”
deadeas: “All right....”
Red Queen: “Now to your right is the Resident Evil Trilogy. You will watch them all in their entirely and then you will be released. To your left is a loaded shotgun. If you do not watch the movies you may feel free to pick it up and take your own life. The choice is yours— Hey wait a minute what are you doing!?”
*BANG!*
(End)
Warning: The following is retarded funny humor and is to be taken 0% seriously! Proceed with caution.
Cue Spencer Mansion!
*We see Tanner Redfield, Ayen Valentine, Jesse Burton and Ronnie Wesker enter the mansion*
Jesse Burton: “WTF? Well this looks familiar....”
Ronnie Wesker: “Wow what a mansion!”
Tanner Redfield: “We’re in the first Resident Evil game! Oh shit this is sweet I’m going to blow me up some zombies—! Wait I ain’t supposed to know about them yet.” *Looks around his pockets only to find a knife and an aid spray can* “What!? All I got is a knife!? Damn it! Yo Ayen give me your gun!”
Ayen Valentine: “No way man!”
Tanner Redfield: “Give me!”
Ayen Valentine: “No!”
Tanner Redfield: “Give me damn it that’s an order!”
Ayen Valentine: “You don’t out rank me!”
Jesse Burton: “What the hell Ayen, are you wearing women clothes?”
Ayen Valentine: “What!? No! This is just a modify male version of Jill’s original uniform!”
Jesse Burton: “Sure it is!”
Ronnie Wesker: “So are we doing Chris’s story or Jill’s story?”
Tanner Redfield: *trying to take Ayen gun from his hands before turning his head over to Ronnie* “Eh?”
Ronnie Wesker: “If we’re doing Chris’s story then Jesse shouldn’t be here. He should be missing. And if we’re doing Jill’s story then you shouldn’t be here you should be missing.”
Tanner Redfield: “In that case I vote Chris’s story.”
Ayen Valentine: “Chris’s story.”
Ronnie Fox: “Chris’s story.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you!” *disappears*
CAST!
Tanner Redfield! “Yeah this means I have a hot sister too!”
Jill Valentine! “I’m too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!”
Jesse Burton: “I hate Capcom. Damn sell outs. And I’m going to fuck your sister Tanner!”
Tanner: “Fuck you Jesse!”
Jesse: “No fuck me. Fuck your sister!”
Ryan Chambers! “YAY!”
Ronnie Wesker! “SCORE!”
RESIDENT EVIL!
*Gun shot*
Ayen Valentine: “What was that!?”
Tanner Redfield: “A gunshot ho.”
Ayen Valentine: “That’s not nice.”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh shut up ho.”
Ronnie Wesker: “Will you two focus! Tanner go and check! It’d make sense for us to stick together really. But I think it more fun if I have you go out alone while me and Ayen investigate this area.”
Tanner Redfield: “Aye, aye captain!” *enters dinning room*
Ronnie Wesker: *kicks Ayen in the stones*
Ayen Valentine: *Screams in pain and falls to knees* “How could you?! Why?!”
Ronnie Wesker: “Shut up! I have cool hair.”
Ayen Valentine: “What does that have to do with anything!?”
Ronnie Wesker: “Nothing. I just like holding it over you.” *picks up over shoulder and runs off*
*Dinning Room*
Tanner Redfield: “It’s a dinning room! .... Yeah.”
*enter the other room goes down the hall and sees a zombie eating Carlos J. Sullivan*
Tanner Redfield: “Oh I see you’re just killing a duecebag so don’t mind me.”
Zombie: *moans and offers Tanner a leg*
Tanner Redfield: “Ew gross I don’t want to eat his leg!”
Zombie: *moans louder and continue to offer his leg*
Tanner Redfield: “No way!”
Zombie: *growls in anger and drops the leg going to attack Tanner who knifes him to death*
Tanner Redfield: “Take my knife bitch!” *zombie grabs leg and starts chewing* “AHHH!” *hits his head right off* “OWNED!”
*Returns to Main Hall*
Tanner Redfield: “Ugh where did they go!?” *Finds Ayen’s gun and grabs it* “Oh sweet! Now I can blow shit up!”
*finds that room Ryan is in*
Ryan Chambers: *Sprays at Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: *holds onto his eyes and screams* “MY EYES!”
Ryan Chambers: “Oh! Oh no!”
Tanner Redfield: “You bitch!” *starts shooting*
Ryan Chambers: *dodges* “Whoa! Hey!”
Tanner Redfield: “I kill you!”
Ryan Chambers: “Dude I’m sorry man! Hey! I’m from the Bravo team!”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh. Cool. So you the only one left?”
Ryan Chambers: “Yeah.... It was strange, it was only my first mission and the chopper went down so quickly it was a pretty short flight—”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah whatever. I gotta go.”
Ryan Chambers: “Well how about letting me go with you?”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah sure whatever.”
*finding Holly Speyer*
Tanner Redfield: “LOL! You’re the one who gets killed by crows. Epic fail.”
Ryan Chambers: “I fail to see the humor in this.”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up.”
*Finds Sniper Aliken*
Ryan Chambers: “Oh no! Sniper!”
Tanner Redfield: “LOL! You’re the one who gets off by the snake! You don’t even get any lines in my story.”
Sniper Aliken: “STFU Tanner!” *goes back to being dead*
Tanner Redfield: “Looks like we have the snake to fight now.”
*Battle*
Yawn: *hiss*
Tanner/Ryan: *run and shoot*
Tanner Redfield: “Die you stupid snake! Who names a snake after yawning anyway!? Seriously!”
Yawn: *dies*
Tanner Redfield: “Yes! Oh shit I been poisoned!” *falls down*
Ryan Chambers: *sighs*
*Back in the room you find Ryan*
Ryan Chambers: “All done.”
Tanner Redfield: “I hate snakes.”
Ryan Chambers: “Good things we have these supplies from Umbrella.”
Tanner Redfield: “Umbrella?”
Ryan Chambers: “LOL! n00b you don’t know what Umbrella is!”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up!”
*gets to the green house and then to that plant thing*
Evil plant: *grabs Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: “Just don’t violate me with tentacles! Don’t violate me with tentacles! Ryan help!”
Ryan Chambers: *sighs*
*gets that thing that kills it and comes back into the room as the plant is dying*
Ryan Chambers: “That two times I saved your ass you know.”
Tanner Redfield: “If we weren’t following the storyline I wouldn’t need you.”
Ryan Chambers: “Sure.”
*finds that spider thing*
Tanner Redfield: *kills with flamethrower* “BURN BABY BURN!”
*enter the lab and finds a naked zombie*
Tanner Redfield: “AH! NAKED ZOMBIE NAKED ZOMBIE!” *kills quickly* “God why couldn’t it be a female naked zombie or something?”
*Finds Ayen*
Ayen Valentine: “Tanner!”
Jesse Burton: “Oh thank god if I had to spend another second alone with this person I would’ve killed myself!”
Tanner Redfield: “Damn can’t open it. Feel free to kill yourself Jesse I’ll be back for you two later.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you Tanner!”
*The traitor*
Ronnie Wesker: “Hello Tanner.”
Tanner Redfield: “OMGZ IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!”
Ronnie Wesker: “That’s right. I used S.T.A.R.S. as my little pawns to test Umbrella ultimate weapon!”
Tanner Redfield: “Since when did you work for Umbrella!?”
Ronnie Wesker: “I think you’re confused.” *shoots Ryan*
Ryan Chambers: “Ow!” *falls down*
Tanner Redfield: “Ryan!”
Ronnie Wesker: “Come Tanner. I have something to show you!”
*inside lab with tyrant*
Ronnie Wesker: “Isn’t it beautiful? I call it Raging Towers!”
Tanner Redfield: “Raging Towers? Oh shit!”
Ronnie Wesker: *activate Raging Towers*
Raging Towers: *break out of water tank and then kills Ronnie*
Ronnie Wesker: “Damn it!”
Raging Towers: *throws Ronnie to the wall then stares at Tanner*
Tanner Redfield: “BRING IT ON!”
*after a couple of minutes running, turning and shooting the tyrant falls*
Tanner Redfield: “Bitch.”
Ryan Chambers: “I feel sick.”
Tanner Redfield: “You’re alive, omgz!”
Ryan Chambers: “It’s just a fresh wound!”
Tanner Redfield: “We need to blow this shit out of the water!”
Ryan Chambers: “Yeah I’ll go activate the self destruct button thing.”
*Frees Ayen and Jesse*
Jesse Burton: “About time!”
Tanner Redfield: “Shut up!”
*Self destruct thing activated*
Ayen Valentine: “IT’S GONNA BLOW!”
Tanner Redfield: “Yeah let get out of here. But Jesse do feel free to stay put.”
Jesse Burton: “Fuck you Tanner!”
*they run near the exit as Ryan catches up to them as they then get at the place where the chopper can land and Tanner shoots up a thing to get it attention but then Raging Towers jump up from underground and impales Ryan*
Tanner Redfield: “Shit!”
Raging Towers: *Throw Ryan’s dead body to the ground*
Ayen Valentine: “NO! Why creator of the thread!? Why!?”
Creator: “I hate her.”
Ayen Valentine: “What she ever do to you!?”
Creator: “Exist.”
Ayen Valentine: “That’s not her fault it’s Capcom’s!”
Creator: “Well then, now it’s Capcom’s fault she’s dead.”
Ayen Valentine: “Damn you Capcom! Damn you to hell! You and your Resident Evil 5 new action like controls!”
Tanner Redfield: “Damn it Ayen pull yourself together!”
Ayen Valentine: “But she was hot!”
Tanner Redfield: “Dude gross it was played by a he. You’re a he!”
Ayen Valentine: “I’m obviously supposed to be the female in this story.”
Tanner Redfield: “So is he!”
Ayen Valentine: “Does that mean I’m a lesbian? SWEET! Now I can have lesbian sex!”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh damn it!” *shoots Ayen in the head*
Roy Campbell: “Tanner you can’t do that! You created a time paradox! You can’t go changing the future like that!”
Tanner Redfield: “What future!?”
Jesse Burton: “Resident Evil Nemesis, dumbass.”
Tanner Redfield: “Oh.”
*game over screen appears and Tanner just sighs and press retry*
Ayen Valentine: “Does that mean I’m a lesbian? SWEET! Now I can have lesbian sex!”
Tanner Redfield: *shoots him dead again*
Roy Campbell: “Damn it Tanner!”
Tanner Redfield: “All right! All right!” *press retry again*
*The three fights off Raging Towers as then the chopper piolet drops a rocket launcher and Tanner grabs it and blows Raging Towers Tyrant to pieces*
*they then escape into the chopper as the mansion blows up*
Ayen Valentine: *leans on Tanner’s shoulder*
Tanner Redfield: “Dude get off of me!” *shoves him off*
Jesse Burton: “Well um. We made it I guess.”
Tanner Redfield: “I’m going to be so uber in Resident Evil 5 once I master the Falcon Punch!”
Jesse Burton: “I hate you Tanner, I really do.”
(The end! Wait!)
Bonus Clip!
deadeas: “Where the hell am I?”
Red Queen: *appears out of thin air* “All right! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of people like you who don’t appreciate movies!”
deadeas: “Oh god not another crappy character from a crappy series of movies.”
Red Queen: “See that’s the kind of crap I’m talking about, shut up!”
deadeas: “All right....”
Red Queen: “Now to your right is the Resident Evil Trilogy. You will watch them all in their entirely and then you will be released. To your left is a loaded shotgun. If you do not watch the movies you may feel free to pick it up and take your own life. The choice is yours— Hey wait a minute what are you doing!?”
*BANG!*
(End)
