Post by RivenZero on Aug 4, 2009 3:26:08 GMT -5
Hey, this isn't from the book I'm trying to finish now but something I've just recently started on. There are a lot of mistakes in this first chapter so bare with me. I've never put any of my written work on any site so far so this is a big deal for me. It would be great if you can critique it good or bad. This character was really hard to write because it's from a female view which I am not used to.
please leave me some comments so I may make it better. Thank you.
The Tunnel
Chapter 1 – Reflection
Mirrors are a funny thing. They reflect our outer appearance, but we only choose to see what is visible and no further. It all depends on how you look at yourself that determines who you see.
There is only two ways you can look at your reflection. There is your appearance and then there is the side only you can see. The question of who you really are. This goes much deeper then what’s on the outside. You have to look into the eyes of your reflection.
After doing this you’ll be faced with even more questions.
Who are you?
Who are you to other people?
Then those final questions that sum it all up.
Is the person you think you are and the person others see you as, all one in the same?
If not then which version of yourself is the real you?
I happen to ask myself this every morning before leaving my room. No matter how hard I try I can never manage to answer those final questions.
The Embry that my family and friends know is the mask that I put on every time I turn my back to that mirror. After I leave my bedroom, my sanctuary, I turn into a completely different person. The person I loathe and hate.
The smell of bacon and eggs overwhelm me as I take two steps at a time down the winding staircase. My Dad had to have been the best cook that I knew. He was the only cook that I knew.
“Caroline!” He called. “Hurry up and eat before Natalie gets here!”
I hated my real name. Not that it was bad but because I thought too hard on what my friends would think of such an old fashioned name. My middle name is as good as any.
“Too late Mr. H!” A musical tone came riveting through the halls of my house.
That was Natalie, my best friend and current ride to school. I turned the corner into the kitchen to find my Dad by the stove, Natalie sitting at the table, and her younger brother standing in the back doorway of my house.
“Are you going to close that door anytime soon, Clark?” My Dad smirked.
“Oh, sorry Mr. Hail,” He stumbled, closing the door almost immediately.
My kitchen looked so beautiful in the mornings. The sun shined right through the screen door as to make the kitchen a kind of golden color.
I took a seat beside my best friend as my Dad sat my food down in front of me. This gave be a perfect view of the backyard. I remember when I was younger I would sit out in the yard and pretend that the view was of someplace else….some place quite with rivers and mountains.
Clark took a seat across from us, blocking my view. He was staring me down making it very difficult to eat. He was doing it on purpose. Clark had been doing that for the past ten years ever since his sis and I started hanging out.
“Stop that or you’ll be walking to school,” Natalie scolded giving him a face that a mother might give her son.
“She knows I’m only kidding,” He snapped back.
I stood up to kiss my Dad goodbye before the fight could escalate.
“You’re not going to eat?” He asked.
“I forgot that I have to get to English early for extra credit,” I waved back to him.
I felt bad for leaving a perfectly good meal to waste. It was either that or my Dad having to listen to Nat and Clark fight. I think it would be best to spare him the agony.
Natalie owned a yellow Volkswagen which made if very hard to cram into. But after awhile I had gotten use to it.
“Shotgun” Clark called already at the car.
“Freshmen sit in back” I smirked opening the passenger door for him.
He crammed into the back with only a few comments on how men should ride in front.
“This isn’t fair!” Clark whined. “When I’m a sophomore, you two will have already graduated.
“Yeah, and you’ll have your own ride so shut up!” Natalie snapped turning up the radio.
I had always loved their bickering with one another. It always made me smile.
I couldn’t help but look over at Natalie every time the wind blew her hair in every which direction. She was Golden. Natalie looked more like a super model then a student at Washington Heights High School. I wish my hair were any other color then brown. Heck, even my eyes are brown.
Natalie had blue eyes…..
I didn’t have to turn around to see that Clark was staring at me. I could see him in the mirror.
“You might want to put those eyeballs back in your head lever boy,” Natalie teased.
She noticed everything.
The tiny yellow car fit right into the parking spot we parked in every morning. It looked almost as if you could fit another tiny car right into the same spot.
“Embry, when are you going to get your own car?” Clark asked trying his best to squeeze through the little space between him and the front seat.
Clark kind of looked like that one doctor off that funny MD show. I forget the name of it.
“Let me give you a hand,” I sighed.
He didn’t take my hand but rather pushed a little too hard and fell shoulder first onto the pavement.
“I’m good!” He yelled jumping to his feet almost immediately, looking around to see if anybody saw him.
“I’ll get a car when you stop acting like such a dweeb,” I laughed picking up his book bag.
“Good!” He snapped snatching his bag.
He walked off alone toward his group of friends across the lot.
“You know you can’t live without Embry!” Natalie called.
Clark ignored her. This was going to be a long day.
Everyday is the same. We’d get to school. Jake Macarthur would hit on me right after terrorizing Toby the school mascot, and then Veronica “Prom Queen” Phillips would defend him as if she were some sort of predator protecting her prey.
Those two were the oddest couple that I had ever seen. The most stuck up girl who thinks she is better then everyone else ending up with the biggest jerk in school. I know that sounds like your typical teen movie scenario. Jake isn’t the star football player jerk type….more of the big, bad bully with tattoos and piercings.
Almost all of my classes were a nightmare. I had to always travel back to my locker to switch out textbooks and every time I did Jake would be waiting there like some homesick puppy.
“You want to come over this weekend,” He’d ask almost every time.
I would have to decline making up some odd excuse. I was running out of ideas.
My favorite class had to have been history. Mr. Harold was always a very cool teacher. Plus, it was the only class Natalie and I had together. Mr. Harold would joke with the class half of the time or talk with his wife on the phone. We pretty much went without any lectures which gave us more time to chat afterwards.
I sat outside at the tables with all my friends during lunch. I’m pretty sure Natalie and I were the only girls to actually eat at lunch out of our group. We weren’t afraid to eat in front of people. The truth is that I don’t really like my friends. Natalie began hanging around that group so naturally I followed.
I go through all my core classes followed by getting together with the student committee to get Prom situated. The only downside to being on the committee was that Veronica was there. She was always competing with me as if I were after Jake. He gives me one ride home and she flips out. Any idea I have about prom she totally disagrees with.
I’m more then relieved once I get home.
As soon as my bedroom door shuts behind me I can be myself again. I pull out my diary and begin to write about my day. I know I should have stopped after Junior High like all the other girls but I like it.
I feel like myself as I fill those blank pages.
That’s how everyday went. Things were boring…I needed more…
On May 23rd everything changed. Be careful what you wish for.
I remember eating dinner when I got the first text from Natalie.
Natalie: Hey Girl going 2 meet him tonite!
Me: him?
Natalie: That guy I told u bout
I was really confused now. I was going to text her back if it wasn’t for my Mom snapping at me.
I hurried through dinner and took two steps at a time up to my bedroom.
I waited…
Me: U there?
By the second hour I was out like a lamp….exhausted…worried….
The dream I had that night is the only one that I will never forget.
The clouds were grey, the clouds threatening with mighty claps of thunder. I peered down to see that I was much shorter then I am. I was wearing my Sunday school dress I wore when I was a child. I was standing on the old Church House Bridge. Natalie and I loved that place.
The skips of rope hitting wood caught my attention. It was Natalie jumping rope across from me. I would call her Goldie locks when we were children. Her golden hair was always tied with two red ribbons.
“Embry,” She smiled. “Play with me!”
A sinking feeling hit my stomach like a ton of rocks. Something was wrong. I tried to call out to her as she climbed the bridge railing. No sounds would escape my mouth. Natalie began to tie the rope into a noose. I was trying so desperately to run to her. The more I tried the farther I got away from her. Natalie had the rope around her neck now.
She began to laugh…
“Embry, let’s play hide and go peek!”
I could only scream muffled sounds…
“Just follow the tunnel!”
With those final words she leaped!
I stood strait up screaming and crying into my pillow. My Mother’s arms were already around me. She was sobbing.
“I’m so sorry,” She sobbed.
“What?” I asked pulling away from her.
She couldn’t even look me in the eyes.
“Natalie,” She sobbed again. “Honey she hung herself!”
My mother’s warm embrace found me again as I sat frozen in shock. My phone was still in my hand. Natalie had messaged me back.
tHe tunnel
The tunnEl
The tunneL
The tunneL
Find me in the Tunnel
please leave me some comments so I may make it better. Thank you.
The Tunnel
Chapter 1 – Reflection
Mirrors are a funny thing. They reflect our outer appearance, but we only choose to see what is visible and no further. It all depends on how you look at yourself that determines who you see.
There is only two ways you can look at your reflection. There is your appearance and then there is the side only you can see. The question of who you really are. This goes much deeper then what’s on the outside. You have to look into the eyes of your reflection.
After doing this you’ll be faced with even more questions.
Who are you?
Who are you to other people?
Then those final questions that sum it all up.
Is the person you think you are and the person others see you as, all one in the same?
If not then which version of yourself is the real you?
I happen to ask myself this every morning before leaving my room. No matter how hard I try I can never manage to answer those final questions.
The Embry that my family and friends know is the mask that I put on every time I turn my back to that mirror. After I leave my bedroom, my sanctuary, I turn into a completely different person. The person I loathe and hate.
The smell of bacon and eggs overwhelm me as I take two steps at a time down the winding staircase. My Dad had to have been the best cook that I knew. He was the only cook that I knew.
“Caroline!” He called. “Hurry up and eat before Natalie gets here!”
I hated my real name. Not that it was bad but because I thought too hard on what my friends would think of such an old fashioned name. My middle name is as good as any.
“Too late Mr. H!” A musical tone came riveting through the halls of my house.
That was Natalie, my best friend and current ride to school. I turned the corner into the kitchen to find my Dad by the stove, Natalie sitting at the table, and her younger brother standing in the back doorway of my house.
“Are you going to close that door anytime soon, Clark?” My Dad smirked.
“Oh, sorry Mr. Hail,” He stumbled, closing the door almost immediately.
My kitchen looked so beautiful in the mornings. The sun shined right through the screen door as to make the kitchen a kind of golden color.
I took a seat beside my best friend as my Dad sat my food down in front of me. This gave be a perfect view of the backyard. I remember when I was younger I would sit out in the yard and pretend that the view was of someplace else….some place quite with rivers and mountains.
Clark took a seat across from us, blocking my view. He was staring me down making it very difficult to eat. He was doing it on purpose. Clark had been doing that for the past ten years ever since his sis and I started hanging out.
“Stop that or you’ll be walking to school,” Natalie scolded giving him a face that a mother might give her son.
“She knows I’m only kidding,” He snapped back.
I stood up to kiss my Dad goodbye before the fight could escalate.
“You’re not going to eat?” He asked.
“I forgot that I have to get to English early for extra credit,” I waved back to him.
I felt bad for leaving a perfectly good meal to waste. It was either that or my Dad having to listen to Nat and Clark fight. I think it would be best to spare him the agony.
Natalie owned a yellow Volkswagen which made if very hard to cram into. But after awhile I had gotten use to it.
“Shotgun” Clark called already at the car.
“Freshmen sit in back” I smirked opening the passenger door for him.
He crammed into the back with only a few comments on how men should ride in front.
“This isn’t fair!” Clark whined. “When I’m a sophomore, you two will have already graduated.
“Yeah, and you’ll have your own ride so shut up!” Natalie snapped turning up the radio.
I had always loved their bickering with one another. It always made me smile.
I couldn’t help but look over at Natalie every time the wind blew her hair in every which direction. She was Golden. Natalie looked more like a super model then a student at Washington Heights High School. I wish my hair were any other color then brown. Heck, even my eyes are brown.
Natalie had blue eyes…..
I didn’t have to turn around to see that Clark was staring at me. I could see him in the mirror.
“You might want to put those eyeballs back in your head lever boy,” Natalie teased.
She noticed everything.
The tiny yellow car fit right into the parking spot we parked in every morning. It looked almost as if you could fit another tiny car right into the same spot.
“Embry, when are you going to get your own car?” Clark asked trying his best to squeeze through the little space between him and the front seat.
Clark kind of looked like that one doctor off that funny MD show. I forget the name of it.
“Let me give you a hand,” I sighed.
He didn’t take my hand but rather pushed a little too hard and fell shoulder first onto the pavement.
“I’m good!” He yelled jumping to his feet almost immediately, looking around to see if anybody saw him.
“I’ll get a car when you stop acting like such a dweeb,” I laughed picking up his book bag.
“Good!” He snapped snatching his bag.
He walked off alone toward his group of friends across the lot.
“You know you can’t live without Embry!” Natalie called.
Clark ignored her. This was going to be a long day.
Everyday is the same. We’d get to school. Jake Macarthur would hit on me right after terrorizing Toby the school mascot, and then Veronica “Prom Queen” Phillips would defend him as if she were some sort of predator protecting her prey.
Those two were the oddest couple that I had ever seen. The most stuck up girl who thinks she is better then everyone else ending up with the biggest jerk in school. I know that sounds like your typical teen movie scenario. Jake isn’t the star football player jerk type….more of the big, bad bully with tattoos and piercings.
Almost all of my classes were a nightmare. I had to always travel back to my locker to switch out textbooks and every time I did Jake would be waiting there like some homesick puppy.
“You want to come over this weekend,” He’d ask almost every time.
I would have to decline making up some odd excuse. I was running out of ideas.
My favorite class had to have been history. Mr. Harold was always a very cool teacher. Plus, it was the only class Natalie and I had together. Mr. Harold would joke with the class half of the time or talk with his wife on the phone. We pretty much went without any lectures which gave us more time to chat afterwards.
I sat outside at the tables with all my friends during lunch. I’m pretty sure Natalie and I were the only girls to actually eat at lunch out of our group. We weren’t afraid to eat in front of people. The truth is that I don’t really like my friends. Natalie began hanging around that group so naturally I followed.
I go through all my core classes followed by getting together with the student committee to get Prom situated. The only downside to being on the committee was that Veronica was there. She was always competing with me as if I were after Jake. He gives me one ride home and she flips out. Any idea I have about prom she totally disagrees with.
I’m more then relieved once I get home.
As soon as my bedroom door shuts behind me I can be myself again. I pull out my diary and begin to write about my day. I know I should have stopped after Junior High like all the other girls but I like it.
I feel like myself as I fill those blank pages.
That’s how everyday went. Things were boring…I needed more…
On May 23rd everything changed. Be careful what you wish for.
I remember eating dinner when I got the first text from Natalie.
Natalie: Hey Girl going 2 meet him tonite!
Me: him?
Natalie: That guy I told u bout
I was really confused now. I was going to text her back if it wasn’t for my Mom snapping at me.
I hurried through dinner and took two steps at a time up to my bedroom.
I waited…
Me: U there?
By the second hour I was out like a lamp….exhausted…worried….
The dream I had that night is the only one that I will never forget.
The clouds were grey, the clouds threatening with mighty claps of thunder. I peered down to see that I was much shorter then I am. I was wearing my Sunday school dress I wore when I was a child. I was standing on the old Church House Bridge. Natalie and I loved that place.
The skips of rope hitting wood caught my attention. It was Natalie jumping rope across from me. I would call her Goldie locks when we were children. Her golden hair was always tied with two red ribbons.
“Embry,” She smiled. “Play with me!”
A sinking feeling hit my stomach like a ton of rocks. Something was wrong. I tried to call out to her as she climbed the bridge railing. No sounds would escape my mouth. Natalie began to tie the rope into a noose. I was trying so desperately to run to her. The more I tried the farther I got away from her. Natalie had the rope around her neck now.
She began to laugh…
“Embry, let’s play hide and go peek!”
I could only scream muffled sounds…
“Just follow the tunnel!”
With those final words she leaped!
I stood strait up screaming and crying into my pillow. My Mother’s arms were already around me. She was sobbing.
“I’m so sorry,” She sobbed.
“What?” I asked pulling away from her.
She couldn’t even look me in the eyes.
“Natalie,” She sobbed again. “Honey she hung herself!”
My mother’s warm embrace found me again as I sat frozen in shock. My phone was still in my hand. Natalie had messaged me back.
tHe tunnel
The tunnEl
The tunneL
The tunneL
Find me in the Tunnel
means a lot from the RP king.